


Antidote

by Golden_Viper



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotions, Friendship, Gen, Splyce
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-04-14 01:09:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golden_Viper/pseuds/Golden_Viper
Summary: With the longest standing five-man team in the European LCS, Splyce faces a painful breakup at the end of 2017. However, the bonds and relationships between the players will not disappear so easily.Kasper Kobberup, for the first time in a new team environment, finds himself surrounded by new people he doesn’t know. However, as Kasper struggles to cure himself of the poison of his past, he isn’t quite as alone as he thinks he is.





	1. Adder Attitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it! My very first fanfiction! I’ve been wanting to write for a while now, and I finally got around to it! I know it’s probably kinda bad, but I tried my best ^-^” Huge thanks to Dreamfang for being my beta, and I hope that you enjoy the story - there are many more chapters to come!
> 
> \- Golden

_Week One._

Kasper could remember every detail. They simply stuck to his memory like persistent leeches, draining his ability to push them away and forget. He remembered the flutter of the confetti on his skin and keyboard that glittered like steel - the explosion of the crowd and the explosion of his Nexus. He remembered the broken faces of his teammates - expressions he could believe he shared and a tightness in his chest, like a cruel coil, choking out the last of Splyce’s hopes.  
That exact moment, the all-time low of the loss, their loss against G2 Esports during the Summer Finals of 2016, was a moment Kasper wished to never feel again.

_I let them down._

That moment was the turning point for Splyce, Kasper realised later. Despite their qualification for the World Championship, the series against the Unicorns of Love was bittersweet. The fact that, despite their second place standing, the team still had battles to fight in order to earn their right to play at Worlds, felt so much more symbolic than it likely was.  
He wondered if the others felt the same way.

The others. Martin, Jonas, Chres and Mihael. To an extent, Jakob as well in the early days, when they were all hopeful and full of vitality. The five-man group of Splyce was together longer than any other in the European LCS. You’d think, Kasper thought, that would make us stronger. But it didn’t.

And as Season 7 had begun, so did the crumble of Splyce.

Knock! Knock!

    “Hey Kobbe, lunch!”  
A voice that Kasper assumed to be Odoamne’s brought the Dane out of his dark memories. It was unfamiliar. Odoamne was one of his new teammates. Season 8 brought about much change for Kasper and the lineup of Splyce. The old team had split up at the end of 2017, choosing new paths with the exception of Kasper, and a new roster had been formed for the new season.

Now that they had left, Kasper realised how much he yearned for the times with his best friends again, despite the standing truth that their continued unity would merit only more failure.

    “Coming,” Kasper replied, though he could tell Odoamne was already gone.  
—

    “...eft like immediately. I don’t know if he was upset or what?”  
    “I’ll talk to him, boys. We’ll sort it out.”  
It didn’t take a genius to know the others were talking about Kasper. Odoamne was already seated with Xerxe, Nisqy and kaSing, as well as Peter and Grant. Mumbling a quiet “Hey”, Kasper served himself and sat with the others, arranged in a symmetrical rectangle around the table - the table he used to eat at with his old friends, an internal, involuntary remark noted. He didn’t bother to push the feeling away.

The others mumbled tense, uncertain replies except Nisqy, who sounded cheerful pretty much all the time to begin with. It was irritating. These people were irritating. He felt no attachment to them, and came to dislike them for not being the brothers of last year. Kasper was aware of how selfish and unreasonable this was, yet he felt no reason to care for them. In that moment, he just saw hollow replacements with their annoying curiosity about why he left for his room.

Kasper’s abrupt leaving during a team bonding session was the obvious reason for everyone’s concern, paradoxically contrasting Kasper’s distaste of the newfound attention. He bit into a forkful of food. His outward silence masked a turbulent heart.  
    _They don’t belong here._  
    _They can’t replace my friends._  
Guilt nagged at him relentlessly because it wasn’t as if Kasper was ignorant, or even stupid - it was obvious that this was for the best - but the denial made itself comfortable within him, like a parasite.

The constant conflict of feelings only served to upset him even more.

Thankfully, the meal was pleasant otherwise. Very little conversation occurred within the group, much to his relief. Few looks came his way after the initial minute, and best of all, nobody talked to Kasper. Some off comment about the session followed by a shush, a held-back chuckle at a forgotten joke from earlier in the day - it was all irrelevant in the end, and he couldn’t care less how they felt about him. Of course, he was prepared for the inevitable, and he could hear the statement coming as soon as he set his dish in the sink.  
    “Kobbe, I’d like a word with you.”  
There it was. ‘Kobbe’. Kasper still was not used to being called ‘Kobbe’ in this house. After all, two years of ‘Kasper’ in a professional environment weren’t about to leave that easily, but he didn't bother correcting his coach - out of respect or apathy, he wasn’t sure. He stepped quietly over to Peter’s room without objection and without a word, ignoring the laughably obvious look shot by someone out of the corner of his eye from the couch.

—

The lights of the stage shone. The voices of the crowd roared. He could hear it all from backstage, sitting with the rest of the team, dressed in his new Splyce jersey. For the very first time, he’d be stepping onto this stage without a single other Dane.  
    “Understood?”  
Peter’s voice shook Kasper from his thoughts. He hadn’t been listening, and Kasper was suddenly hit with a subconscious reminder.

    _This is my job. I need to take this seriously._

Even then, decided to pay no attention while watching Unicorns of Love, Misfits and G2 Esports play in the matches before them. It was upsetting at the moment to see the three familiar names without his own by them. He wasn’t about to start the first game in a bad mood, and so he just listened to his coach without listening to the game. When it was time to set up in the aftermath of the previous game, Kasper got up without a word, trying to avoid conversation.

    “Alright. Come now, guys. Let’s start off the split well.”

Kasper wanted to laugh. He had no expectations. They’d known each other for barely six weeks so there was no chance for them to show up as a team. Kasper was confident enough in his ability to play. If the team couldn’t keep up, that wouldn’t be his fault.

    “Good luck, guys!” came kaSing’s sickeningly positive encouragement, followed by approval from Nisqy and Odoamne. Following the others onto the stage, Kasper prepared himself for the worst.  
    _Just focus on yourself, he told himself miserably._

Perhaps it was a mistake, because in the end, Splyce got utterly stomped by Fnatic. Peter’s hopes couldn’t have been more misplaced. Part of Kasper told him it didn’t matter, that a loss to Fnatic was to be expected, and yet another tried to convince him that, had he been allowed to carry, they’d have won. For Kasper, it was sometimes difficult to consider a loss as just that - a loss. Nothing else.  
While the others appeared to have had their hopes down, with the exception of kaSing, the optimist that he was, Kasper could only feel competition. There was a little spark in there, something to motivate Kasper on his own. An urge to set himself apart from everyone else through League, so that everything else wouldn’t matter. This attitude was born from his selfishness.

—

    “Holy shit guys, we inted so hard,” laughed kaSing as everyone stepped back into the gaming house. He was met by a murmur from Xerxe and a hush from Peter, but otherwise silence. The team would have a lot to go over, obviously, and Kasper was prepared for a lecture. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was Grant calling for the boys to come to the living room. Taking out a box, he set a board game on the table.

    “Come, boys. We all need to unwind for a moment.”  
All five of the players looked at each other, utterly confused. Usually they only played a board game after a post-scrim review before dinner, but right after a loss?  
    “We aren’t going to review the game?” he asked cautiously, voicing everyone’s confusion, to which Grant and Peter exchanged glances, and the former shook his head.  
    “No. I know you’re all tired after today. We can talk once we’re feeling chipper.”  
Kasper was just as surprised as everyone else. He hadn’t expected concern - here he was, preparing to immediately watch a replay, take criticism and build on his mistakes, not to play a board game like some regular Friday.

Kasper realised in that moment, that if they were willing to put in this effort for him, he’d have to return the favour. Wiping off his upset expression, Kasper sat down with the others to let the purity of simple fun wash away the disappointment.

The least he could do was play along.

—

Saturday’s game was important to Splyce in more ways than one. Xerxe would be taking on his former team, as he had played with Unicorns of Love last year, and Kasper too felt something personal as he glanced over the stage, taking in the unfamiliar sight of Jonas in a bright, friendly pink. In Kasper’s heart, ‘Kold’ would always be ‘Trashy’, but the blonde’s middle name printed in white on his back confirmed reality.

    “Hey, didn’t you play with that guy last season?” kaSing asked from Kasper’s left, as if he could read the Dane’s mind. Kasper held his shrug, looking away briefly and replied,  
    “Yeah. He was Trashy,” with as little feeling as he could muster. Kasper, in a way, missed his tilting comments, stupid jokes and silly remarks despite how much he hated them. The contradiction made it all hurt even more - he could only miss something like that once he left.  
    “So that means we’ll have to win, just for you and Xerxe, huh?”  
    “I guess so.”  
   “Hey man, you alright?”  
   “Yeah,” he replied robotically.  
The referee confirmed that the match was to begin in five minutes, and so their conversation couldn’t continue as Kasper realised all of a sudden he hadn’t even spoken to anyone the day before other than during the review of the match. The first conversation he had with his team on stage outside champion select was about an old teammate.  
Unsure of how to feel, Kasper fell quiet.

    “Okay, if you win, I’ll have Janna as my profile picture.”  
    _...What?_  
    “I don’t care about Janna!”  
    “But with my face on her!”  
    “Okay, that’s worth.”  
    _What the hell are they on about?_  
    “Hahahahahaha!”  
    “Janna with kaSing’s face on it is really worth.”  
Kasper let their voices fade into the background. Xerxe hadn’t spoken either. Some part of him wondered if the jungler was feeling similar to Kasper, with pressure on his back to win against former teammates.  
    _Does he feel the way I do?_  
Kasper considered the thought briefly as he loaded into the lobby, eyeing the names of UOL Exileh and UOL Samux. UOL Kold’s appeared next as the rest of their opponents loaded in as well. A little bit of the guilt melted away as Kasper considered that just maybe, he and Andrei had something in common.

  
    _Come on, come on… end it!_  
Kasper’s heart was pounding in his chest as the base race ensued. In the blur of the moment, he couldn’t even think about which teammates were in the base of Unicorns, desperately trying to finish the game as their foes crashed into Splyce’s own. He couldn’t tear his eyes from the slowly draining health of the Nexus, hoping that it was enough.  
    _This game…_  
The camera forced itself onto the enemy Nexus. In that moment, a refreshing wave of relief washed over him, and the pressure at that second all evaporated. Kasper let himself fall back onto his seat, a relieved smile finally finding its way onto his face. He could hear Nisqy cheering into his headphones, and suddenly he found himself wrapped in kaSing’s arms. His happiness at this win was so strong, he couldn’t help but briefly return the gesture as he was pulled out of his seat.  
It felt so good to win, but still so crushing to do so in such a manner. Shaking his head in disbelief, he looked around at everyone else. All of them had the same thankful happiness on their faces as Peter and the others came rushing onto the stage.  
    “Alright, boys, alright. I know things were shaky, but a win is a win. Let’s keep it up, okay? Okay, Splyce on three.”  
Odoamne, Xerxe, Nisqy, Kobbe, kaSing, Peter and all of the support staff held out their hands.  
    “One, two, three..”  
    “SPLYCE!” they shouted, united in celebration.  
There was more, though. Kasper knew it wasn’t over. There was still something they all had to do. Glancing across the stage, Kasper found Kold and the rest of Unicorns of Love, all of which looked absolutely crushed. Despite his joy, Kasper still felt a sting of guilt. Eagerly, he followed the rest of the team for the traditional handshakes, but when he and Jonas finally faced each other once more, they instinctively pulled each other into a wordless, yet emotional hug. He wasn’t expecting such a tight grip - Jonas clearly missed Kasper as much as Kasper missed him.

The difference was that Jonas had moved on. Kasper wasn’t sure he ever could.


	2. Loosening the Coil

_Week One_

    “Kobbe, I’d like a word with you.”  
Wordless, Kasper obeyed, stepping into Peter’s room and paying no mind to a look shot from the couch. However, Kasper couldn’t help but notice the concerned face of kaSing from outside as he closed the door. He wasn’t sure as to why the support would be upset - Kasper wasn’t particularly worried. Shrugging shortly to kaSing, he closed the door to face Peter Dun.

    “I’m sure you know why you’re here,” his coach began, his voice a bit disappointed, yet firm. Kasper did know - leaving a team bonding session early. Crossing his arms and looking away briefly, he replied, “Yes, coach,” with more irritability than he had been willing to let through, and Peter caught on.  
    “I’m afraid this attitude can’t go on,” Peter continued. “I’m not going to force you to talk in or out of game, and I’m not going to force you to immediately get along with everyone. However, you’ve been very quiet and uncooperative so far, and I’m afraid that is unacceptable.”  
Kasper took a moment to let the words settle, mostly unresponsive other than a nod of acknowledgement. He’d been thinking too much about years past and not about the present, but Kasper not wanting to leave his past behind was no excuse. Despite his silence, a thoughtful expression found its way onto his face.  
    “This is your job, Kasper. You’re going to have to take this seriously. This is your new environment now, and these are your new teammates. These are people you can be friends with.”  
He knew this, but actually hearing it made a difference. Frowning, he looked past Peter for a moment before returning his gaze to his coach.  
    _They’ll never replace my real friends_ , he thought.  
    “I understand, coach,” he replied lowly.  
Peter gave a small smile, seeming pleased with his response.  
    “They’re putting in a lot of effort for you, Kasper. You should put in some effort for them as well,” Peter continued. “The least you could do is try build some synergy with your new teammates. If they talk to you, don’t just ignore them, for example.”  
Kasper nodded along with Peter’s points. He’d try find some ways to connect with the others, but he wasn’t about to force anything.  
    “I understand,” Kasper murmured again.  
    “Good to hear. Come, we have scrims in ten minutes.”  
—

_Week Two_

Kasper didn’t get a lot of sleep that night. All he could think about were the matches he played last weekend. The crush from Fnatic and the desperate base race against the Unicorns of Love - against Kold. Even thinking about how close the game was evoked nervousness.  
That was no win, and it was quite clear nobody else on the team thought so either considering the dull mood when they got home. Though Peter, Mac, Duke and Grant were encouraging, Kasper knew that people as clever as them, especially Peter, knew that despite the win, Splyce was a failure in that first week. Everyone on the team would need to have things to work on after this.  
He couldn’t help but consider his own mistakes, guiltily going over the plays in his head. He felt this kind of strangling, snapping his attention back to his errors every time he tried to breathe. He turned over uncomfortably, despite this bed being his for over two years. The comfort of everything seemed to have left with his old friends, leaving only cold and emptiness.  
    _Was it individual mistakes, or..._  
The moment didn’t last for Kasper to wallow in his self-pity. The alarm from his cell phone rang out - loud enough to wake him, but quiet enough to not wake anyone else. Sighing, Kasper leaned a hand over to switch it off, staring at the ceiling as if it would give him an answer. He wiped a hand over his face.  
     _...Time to get ready._

—

Practice that morning had gone relatively well. Picking the same team composition as their games and fixing their errors was a good way to see issues and deal with them. Though as Kasper stepped away from the practice room for a short break, thoughts of League left his head and were replaced by a sudden tiredness.  
    _Right. No sleep._

    “Hey, man, sorry for playing like shit there at the end,” a voice spoke from nearby. Looking down and behind him, Kasper noticed kaSing rubbing his eyes and following him. “I couldn’t sleep a bloody wink.” Briefly, Kasper thought about what Peter told him before last week’s games. kaSing apologising for some irrelevant game detail meant he cared enough.  
    “It’s nothing serious. I didn’t get a lot of sleep either,” he let slip, and kaSing looked up at him with a little amusement partly hidden in a false frown.  
    “So it’s your fault! Our botlane synergy is so strong, I can’t sleep when you can’t!” he joked, laughing his cheery laugh. Kasper rolled his eyes, trying not to let his contagious laughter infect him too - however his attempts were futile and Kasper couldn’t help his smile.  
    _How did he do that?_  
Finding himself walking to the couch while talking, Kasper realised his mind just wanted him to go back to sleep. kaSing was one step ahead of him, ungracefully sinking into the cushions with outstretched arms.  
    “Yeah, I’m tired too,” Kasper agreed as he took a seat beside the Brit, kaSing’s actions being the only communication needed to understand his exhaustion. This kind of job, let alone the pressure of LCS could take a lot of energy out of someone, or even just stress them out.  
A thought passed through Kasper’s head as he looked to his Support, and it came out aloud before he could consider it.  
    “Why are you so happy all the time?”  
    _What the fuck was that, Kasper, who asks that?!_  
With that, kaSing burst into laughter, throwing his head back as if all the energy he didn’t have came flying back into him. Kasper let his head fall into his hand, pressing his fingers into his cheeks and feeling the warm embarrassment crawl into his face.  
    “‘Why are you so happy all the time’, that’s brilliant,” kaSing chuckled, shaking Kasper’s shoulder playfully to bring him out of his embarrassed regret. “Wait… dude, are you blushing?” Another bout of laughter blasted from kaSing.  
    “Shut up!” Kasper whined, whacking weakly at kaSing’s hand.  
    _You’re such an idiot, oh my god._  
    “Okay, okay, haha, sorry!” the Brit snickered, holding his hand over his mouth in signature kaSing fashion. “I don’t know, man, I think it’s just because of shit like this.” Sure, a terrible response, but if it meant getting this out the way and never talking about it again, Kasper was fine with anything. “While we’re talking about that, you’re really quiet. What’s with that?” he asked, looking curiously at the Dane, who found himself with furrowed brows and a downward gaze.  
    _They really pay attention to that, don’t they?_  
    “I just prefer to focus on my own play,” Kasper explained, “and communication is something that kind of takes my focus off. That’s why you’re kind of better than-“ He cut himself off immediately.  
    _Mihael…_  
kaSing wasn’t willing to let it go, however, and his brows raised in curiosity.  
    “Better than?” He leaned in a little, a cheeky smile showing off his deep dimples, his lip twitching in a way that seemed as if he was holding back more laughter.  
    “I thought you were tired,” Kasper snapped dismissively.  
    “Better thaaaaan?” kaSing teased.  
    “...”  
    “Oh now you’re quiet?”  
Exhausted, Kasper tossed a cushion at his support’s face, only to draw out more bubbly laughter from him. Kasper sighed, exasperated, and lifted himself from the couch.  
    “Where are you going?”  
    “Coffee, you’re exhausting, man,” was the Dane’s response.  
Kasper expected kaSing to just stay there, but their short exchange from a few minutes ago slipped his mind for just a second.  
    “Hey, I’m tired too!” kaSing protested, dropping the cushion back on the couch and chasing after his carry.  
Kasper was already in the kitchen by the time kaSing had caught up. They had a chef, but Kasper could obviously make his own coffee. Setting the kettle to boil, he leaned against the counter.  
    “Can I-“  
    “There’s enough for both of us,” Kasper responded dismissively.  
They stood there in brief silence, the bubble of the water and some quiet laughter from another room all to be heard.  
    “Milk?”  
    “What?”  
    “Milk. With your coffee,” Kasper sighed, but the raise of a brow confirmed his amusement.  
    _What else would I be talking about?_  
    “Oh, ohhh… Nah, I think I’ll have tea, actually.”  
Kasper pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, trying not to laugh.  
    “Milk with your _tea_ , then?”  
Realising he had missed the point entirely, kaSing laughed off the embarrassment with an exaggerated chuckle.  
The pair continued their idle chatter before shortly being cut off by the ding of the kettle. After preparing their beverages, they heard a loud, hyped “XERXE!” coming from the computer room.  
Looking at each other awkwardly, the botlane duo decided without words that they should probably get back to practice.

—

It was difficult to expect anything from Roccat. Sure, they had a former member of SKT in Profit and a great jungler, but with two rookie players in their midlaner and support and an ADC who got relegated twice, there wasn’t much to go on.

Maybe that’s why the loss was so unexpected.

The team clearly wasn’t on the same page yet, but if everyone didn’t know that, they were either ignorant or really stupid - and Kasper knew these players better than that, especially after the win against Unicorns. With time, things would improve. For that reason, Kasper took the loss as it was and paid better attention, or maybe it was just because the game wasn’t so personal. There wasn’t anyone on Roccat he particularly cared about, so there was no problem.

The fact that he felt this way about a learning opportunity for constructive criticism made him uncomfortable with that strangling guilt.

Forcibly removing himself from his thoughts, he took a seat next to Nisqy to watch the games for today. Anything they could learn now could possibly help them take down a team with high expectations - FC Schalke 04. The matchup was shaky to say the least with the teams equally matched - at least on paper.

Overall, Kasper felt ready. They had gotten good practice that week, and… just maybe, talking to kaSing that one morning could help with their synergy. It was more than likely irrelevant, but Kasper could hope. Nobody on the team was going to accept an 0-2 week, especially not Kasper.

Listening closely to Peter, Kasper felt a sudden appreciation for him. Last year, Splyce didn't have a coach for a long time. Gevous had left and all they had was the team manager to assist them - a possible contributor to their downfall later in the year. Having Peter’s expertise made things easier for everyone, especially considering the absence of last year’s coaching staff.

By the time kaSing had wished everyone luck and it was their turn to walk onto stage to set up, Kasper was feeling the pressure to win. He hadn’t put on his headphones yet, and the voices of the analysts and the language-rich crowd served only to remind him of the importance of every single game.

    _I will not lose this._

—

    “Guys, look at Jarvan,” Xerxe warned.  
    “Yeah, I’m on Jarvan!”  
    “I think I’ve got him!” kaSing’s voice rose clearly over everything else.  
    “Varus is dead!” Kasper and Nisqy announced in unison.  
    _We’re going to win this_.  
    “I’m speeding Caitlyn!” kaSing shouted, ”Caitlyn does what she wants! Caitlyn can fucking win!” he encouraged.  
Enabled to win the fight, Kasper shut his mouth and focused on going in. With the protection of his team, there was no way for him to die.  
DOUBLE KILL!  
    “Azir, Azir, Azir!”  
TRIPLE KILL!  
    _Wait a second-_  
    “Can I get a Penta?” Kasper started with involuntary desperation. He didn’t even care - all he could think about was this opportunity.  
    “Yeah!”  
    “Let me Penta-“ Kasper spoke again, adrenaline rushing through him like liquid lightning.  
    “Nice-aaaaaaaah!!!” roared Nisqy.  
PENTA KILL!!!

Kasper couldn’t believe his eyes, or his ears. He didn’t even get to hear ‘Quadrakill’ - something he’d heard many times before in the last two years, but now he got it. He got the Pentakill. Nisqy’s screaming was still blasting in his headphones; the feisty Belgian seemed to be doing the celebrating for him.

    “That was my first Pentakill,” Kasper sighed, breathless from the excitement. Though kaSing’s laughter and Nisqy’s cheering roared in the background, Kasper knew they could all hear him. This achievement was something he had come so close to so many times before - over and over he got four, with one elusive kill separating him from that pride and satisfaction. But now, today, with these four players by his side, he got it. He finally got his first career Pentakill.

    “Thank you guys.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I steal things from the Mic Check again? Yes. Yes I did.
> 
> This came out shorter than I thought... but I really hope it does its job nonetheless. Sure, Kasper isn’t on the road to recovery yet, but he’s on the right track and he’ll get there eventually, right?
> 
> I also hope you like the chapter cutter included in this chapter. Please let me know what you think because hopefully they’ll be here to stay.
> 
> As for Chapter Three, I hope you look forward to it, because there’s going to be more Splycy action and less boring interactions. You can expect it to be longer than the past chapters too!
> 
> Thanks again for reading Antidote, feel free to let me know how you feel about the story so far and if you’ve got advice, please share!


	3. The Snake and the Rabbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for how long this took! Terrible timing and laziness on my part contributed to the lengthy update time. I’ll try to update faster in the future...
> 
> Enjoy the chapter, and be sure to let me know what you think!

_Week Two._

One of the biggest problems with life in the gaming house was the pressure of the people around the players. If some players were practicing and another took time for himself, it could make that player feel nervous or guilty for not taking that time to practice, and unfortunately, that very pressure found its way to Kasper. The new environment awakened a subtle, subconscious guilt whenever he took some time to take a break, listen to music, have a walk, anything.  
For that reason, despite wanting to just drink his coffee in silence, Kasper found himself seated with kaSing at their computers after hearing Nisqy and Xerxe playing. As for Odoamne, he was nowhere to be found. Kasper wondered where he was for a second, but just for a second.

 _This never happened last year,_ Kasper thought, but the guilt considered that may have been one of the reasons Splyce fell apart during the 2017 season. Pushing away his internal complaining, Kasper turned to kaSing.  
    “Solo or duo?” he asked briefly, reaching for his coffee.  
kaSing switched on his PC and looked back up at the Dane.  
    “I think duo,” he replied hesitantly, “since I think the more we play together the more we can see what the other wants, you know? Then nobody can nag anyone about communication because we can just tell, like some psychic shit,” he chuckled, clearly not taking the last part too seriously considering the way his grin spread across his face.

Kasper took a sip of his rapidly cooling coffee. He was already feeling better than earlier, and kaSing had a point.  
    “I’m still not going to talk much,” he admitted. Talking, for the most part, took away Kasper’s concentration - something that allowed him to focus so well on the game, ignore the pressure, and hyperfixate on just his play.  
    “What, you’re the silent assassin type then?” kaSing joked, switching on the Corsair computer’s monitor. Immediately, his hand rushed for his mouse to close a browser tab full of beagle images. Typical kaSing.  
    “No?” Kasper replied, confused. He wasn’t sure what kaSing was talking about, so he just let it go and opened up League of Legends, looking back to kaSing to discuss their strategy. “What are we playing?”  
kaSing gave a smile, his dimple dipping slyly into his cheek, as if hiding away his sneaky plotting.  
    “Well, I’m going Zilean. Speed Kobbe and that’s it, we win,” he snickered, looking back to his screen to log in.  
Kasper rolled his eyes with a smile and turned back to the screen. When he thought about it, kaSing’s enabling Support playstyle helped Kasper find himself in the carry position and the spotlight this season. It was refreshing and exciting to finally find himself as more of an ‘AD Carry’ and less of a ‘Marksman’.  
    “Sounds good to me,” he replied.

—

_Week Three._

_Oh_.  
Kasper realised suddenly as he checked the LCS schedule what the week’s matches confirmed. Splyce was up against G2 Esports and Misfits - and that would mean Kasper was going to take on three of his former teammates. Kasper considered what this would mean; G2 Esports and Misfits were both considered top tier teams, so definitely how Splyce could square up, but also Kasper’s capability of taking down his friends.  
Kasper thought for a moment about how different the old and new Splyce lineups really were. He wasn’t sure if he changed much - Kasper considered himself practically the same person, just with new experiences, but everything else was so different.  
    _Why does it make me uncomfortable?_ he wondered, _Obviously it’s not going to be the same._  
It felt wrong to compare, but at the same time, Kasper couldn’t resist. Parts of a new teammate would remind him of an old friend, and Kasper just found himself sinking back into the quicksand of reminiscence. He was so close to everyone, even though he had known people like Mihael for only around a year an a half.  
Of course Kasper and Mihael were close - as ADC and Support they had to know each other well - but Kasper felt there may have been something more, despite knowing Mihael for far less time than the others, like there was more to their friendship than just being regular botlane teammates.

Whatever they had, it was too late to figure out now.  
It was too late as soon as 2017’s Summer Quarterfinals were over.

    _Maybe it’s time to move on_ , Kasper thought reluctantly. However, as the thought came, it left as Kasper turned on his phone, having received a text from Martin.  
    ‘Hope you’re ready to get smashed on Friday,’ he had sent in Danish.  
Kasper scoffed. That man hadn’t changed.  
    ‘We’ll see about that,’ he replied lamely, but it was a challenge nonetheless. Martin had always been one to trashtalk, and somehow it was never noticed. The reply was instant.  
    ‘G2 > Splyce for 2 years not going to change’, Martin responded in English.  
    _Can’t argue there._  
    ‘Better show up on Friday then.’  
    ‘Only if you don’t int. Gtg scrims’  
Kasper couldn’t help but smile for the entire conversation, no matter how short it was. The distance just brought Kasper closer to him, made him cherish little things like this when they couldn’t interact every moment of every day and get tired of each other.  
    _How could I ever move on from something like that?_  
Kasper figured that he could talk to Chres and Mihael about Saturday as well. Switching the conversation from Martin to Mihael, Kasper sent what felt right at the moment.  
    ‘We haven’t talked in a while.’  
He couldn’t have been more mistaken.

—

Kasper hadn’t even walked halfway to the sink when kaSing suggested that everyone play Settlers of Catan - the board game that the team unanimously loved. In fact, they all made a deal with the coaching staff; if Splyce went 2-0 in a week of LCS, they would buy the team an expansion for the game. Kasper was already fond of Settlers - it relaxed him to play a game in which there wasn’t so much pressure.

    “Aah, you and Kobbe always win! That’s why you want to play!” Nisqy remarked cheekily, followed by a chuckle from Odoamne and an embarrassed noise from kaSing. Kasper looked back at the others, who were all leaning in to talk. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t League that brought the team together like this - possibly because it was their collective job - but Settlers. For some reason, there was always something to remember after each game.  
    “Fine, Kobbe and I will play on a team to give you guys a chance,” he responded, and Kasper caught his smirk on his way back to the table. The Dane made a fake frown.  
    “I didn’t agree to this…”  
    “Deal,” affirmed Nisqy, shaking hands with kaSing with a grin on his face.  
    _Well, okay then_ , Kasper sighed internally. The idea of being on the same team as kaSing wasn’t an entirely unwelcome one, not that he’d admit it. Usually, he’d much rather just make his own strategy or just work alone in general, but Kasper felt willing to at least give it a try.  
    _Might as well get working with him to feel natural_ , he considered, _if it’ll help with League_. Tolerating kaSing could only become easier with experience, anyway.

  
Kasper wasn’t expecting anything to go well. Clearly, everyone involved was wrong. Kasper and kaSing as a team had demolished the competition with their combined strategic ideas. Sure, there was definitely a ton of luck and mistakes from the others that allowed the duo to come out on top (Nisqy made it his effort to get more sheep than everyone else - to him that was a win and Kasper didn’t know what was wrong with that guy) but Kasper liked to think that his synergy with kaSing was simply just getting better.  
    _If it helps with League synergy I’ll take it_ , he reiterated.  
    “Yeah, I think putting them together was just more of a death sentence,” Odoamne joked, smiling at the winners. That was something Kasper appreciated about Odoamne - he had humility. He accepted his losses - something Kasper could have trouble with at times. Kasper just rolled his eyes with a smile in response.  
    “Holy shit, we are so good,” kaSing agreed.  
    “Xerxe, we need to try that. If they work better together we can beat them if we work together!” Nisqy suggested. The reply was instant.  
    “No.”  
The team all shared a chuckle, with the exception of Nisqy, who pouted at the jungler sulkily. kaSing looked over to Kasper with a satisfied grin, and Kasper couldn’t help but return the smile. The time Kasper had spent with kaSing had been nothing but positive, and Kasper had to give his Support credit for getting the Dane to tolerate him.  
    “Can we replicate that on stage?” the Brit asked with a laugh.  
Kasper took a moment to think. If they could work together so well on a board game, then it would only make sense that they could translate the synergy onto the LCS stage.  
    “I don’t see why not,” he responded.

When Kasper thought about it, things were really improving with the team recently. The atmosphere felt so much more natural than in the earlier weeks, and the more they played either Settlers or League together - as much as Kasper didn’t want to believe it - they at least appeared more and more like friends.

Kasper found it difficult to believe how much everyone got along despite only knowing each other for just over two months. Kasper didn’t want to acknowledge it, but there was an attachment he was growing for at least kaSing, but friendship with everyone else wasn’t off the table anymore.

    _It’s just because of a new environment, Kasper_ , he thought to himself, _this is just happening because you’ve only had the old guys._

However, the truth of that thought was up in the air.

—

Kasper felt much more prepared to take on Martin than he was for Jonas. There was a lot of hype around this matchup it seemed - G2 and Splyce obviously had a lot of history, and to that extent Kasper as well. It wasn’t something Kasper liked to think about, but considering the matchup both against G2 Esports and against Martin, Kasper couldn’t help but let this past fuel his competitive spirit.

Splyce never won against G2 when it mattered. Kasper was hoping to change that this split, and winning here would be a good start.

Stepping out the small van with the others, Kasper took a fresh breath of crisp Berlin air. It was feeling warmer already, and it was clear spring was well on its way.

    “It’s so coooold,” whined Nisqy, hugging tightly onto his coat.

The apparently biting cold wasn’t as nasty for Kasper as it was for others, considering his Danish origins and therefore the anti-freeze in his blood. He could tell it was getting warmer anyway, so he didn’t really understand the Belgian’s complaints. Considering the quiet shivering from some of the others, they had the same problem.

He didn’t have a lot of time to think over everyone else’s problems with the Berlin cold, because before he realised it, they were inside and the warmth became much more obvious, and as the wall of champions came into view, thoughts of League came back, especially considering G2’s position as four-time consecutive champions. Martin’s position on G2 would certainly make him hungry to be part of the fifth.

They would need a good strategy… G2 was one of the strongest teams in LCS at the moment. It had been for two years.

    “Ready for the game today?” asked kaSing from Kasper’s left. They’d be playing in the second match of the day, so they wouldn’t have much analysis from previous games to go on - not that they desperately needed any. Their preparation was good, and the team was getting better. Slowly, but steadily.  
    “I think so,” Kasper replied, looking over his shoulder at the others in the corridor to make sure nobody was listening in.  
    “...Okay I’d say you’re underestimating us but I honestly don’t blame you,” kaSing replied, “but come on, we’re not that bad.”  
    “I’m not insecure about it!” Kasper protested, and it was true. He wasn’t. He was just concerned about the matchup because of how unnecessary the loss to Roccat was last week. Underestimating G2 would be a terrible idea at a time like this.  
    “I didn’t say you were!” kaSing defended.  
    “Okay, ladies, put away the claws!” called Odoamne from behind. Kasper felt himself blush out of embarrassment, thankful that the combined darkness and artificial light of the studio would hide it from his teammates. He decided to just keep quiet and focus on preparation.

Before he knew it, they were on stage and Kasper sat in silence, eyeing ‘G2 Wunder’ through the screen. Little did he know that the nervousness inside him would be his downfall.

—

Kasper was in a foul mood by the time Splyce had entered the studio. Games already passed and Splyce would face Misfits in the final game of the day.

    _Misfits_ , he thought miserably.

Going over preparation and watching the games was something good for once, something to distract Kasper from his irritability. Just as he tried to push away and forget about an argument he had a few days ago, he had gotten another response before the team left.

    ‘If you had just shut your mouth like always, just maybe I would have considered forgiving you. But you crossed the line. See you Saturday.’

Kasper thought that all of this was over, but clearly both of them still had a lot to clear up. Waiting for a small break, Kasper tried to consider a way to try talk to him in a less… private setting.  
After some brainstorming, he discovered a good excuse.  
    ‘Playing against 2 of my former teammates today gonna be fun, who wants to swap shirts after the game? @Sencux @Mikyx23’ he tweeted. He hoped that it would be enough for Kasper to get this conversation in person.

    ‘Who would want a Splyce shirt let's be honest’ was the only response he got, and it wasn't from who he was looking for. It was from Martin.  
He sent a sad emoji as as reply, but he wasn't interested in what Martin was trying to start. It was in his nature anyway.

Waiting for any sort of response of them was futile in the end. Neither Chres nor Mihael had anything to say to him.

—

The game was tense. Splyce was at a deficit, as usual, for almost the entire game. Misfits had the upper hand almost all the time, and yet Kasper and the others held on. In the end, it was the patience and scaling that won them the game.

It barely mattered to Kasper. All that mattered was that they won - not only a match that was important considering Splyce kept an even record rather than a negative one - but also because he won against Chres and Mihael.

He had to talk to him.

Kasper was impatient as the team made their celebrations, letting the routine win schedule of hug kaSing, celebrate with the support staff, yell ‘Splyce!’ on three pass. This was his only guaranteed chance to communicate.  
    “Well done, team,” he said to no-one and everyone.  
Looking across the stage, he could see the understandably ruined expressions of Misfits. He missed seeing Chres smile or patting an enthusiastic Mihael on the back.  
The steps towards them felt heavy, as if part of him just wanted to avoid his old friends, but he pushed on and came face to face with Mihael. They shared a short, emotionless hug. Kasper forced a tiny smile, and Mihael did the same.  
    “Please meet me backstage,” Kasper whispered.

Unfortunately, Kasper wouldn't be able to meet him even if he showed up. Medic had called Kasper and kaSing over for an interview. Kasper didn't blame them - the duo had put up at least a relatively good performance.

Taking a seat with kaSing, Kasper hoped it wouldn't take too long. However, the rush faded away as quickly as it arrived.

    “I am joined by the victorious botlane from Splyce, kaSing and Kobbe. Congratulations on your win over Misfits. How does it feel at the end of Week 3, to be three and three?” he began, and Kasper let the interview take over his focus.

Kasper was eventually asked about synergy and the new team, and he realised he had to think about a few things realistically.  
    “I feel that it's a lot better now compared to previous weeks,” he admitted. Saying it out loud made him realise that it was true. The team had all grown from before. “Compared to if you would ask me me two weeks ago, it'd be completely different but… with every new team, it's five new guys and you need you learn how to play together. That can take a while, a few weeks, maybe a month. But I feel we are definitely on the right track.”

Another question that caught Kasper’s attention was about the actual duo of Kobbe and kaSing. He couldn't help but speak first. For some reason, he felt he had to say it aloud.  
    “We complement each other. My weaknesses, kaSing covers up and… well, I want to say the opposite but it's not really the case...” he admitted.  
kaSing burst into laughter, jokingly patting Kasper on the thigh, and he couldn't help but laugh too.  
    “Don't say that! I'm really bad!” his Support protested.  
Kasper simply had to laugh as well. kaSing simply had this way about him that Kasper had come to accept - if he was happy, Kasper smiled. A _kaSing effect_ , as it were.  
    “My mechanics are better than his, but he covers up for my weaknesses,” Kasper decided to conclude before any banter could happen.  
    “I just heard in my ear, Kobbe - you are Player of the Game for that match, so congratulations on that,” Medic announced.  
    _Oh. Wow, okay then. Wasn’t expecting that._  
    “Earlier on we were talking about how Splyce was able to win after these long, drawn-out matches. Kobbe, do you have maybe one word to define how Splyce was able to win these matches?”  
    _Of course I do._

    “kaSing,” Kasper replied. 


	4. The “Strong”, Silent Type

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I’ve got midyear examinations up and coming, and this will be the last chapter that I’ll be releasing until July. I’ve written out some of the next chapter in advance, however, so hopefully I can get it out soon once I’ve finished my exams.  
> I’d also like to extend thanks to my second beta, TheSeds, for assisting me with character accuracy. Both TheSeds and Dreamfang have been immensely helpful and I’m really happy they’re helping me out.  
> Enjoy!

_Week Three_

    ‘We haven’t talked in a while.’  
Kasper sent the text to start a conversation - mostly because wanted to wish Mihael luck for their match. Things were still a bit tense between them, and Kasper wished to relieve at least a little bit of that tension. Kasper’s words were true - the two hadn’t talked in quite some time. The silence had stretched across months. Hoping that would change for just a day, Kasper kept an eye on the status of the message.  
Read.  
Mihael was actually typing a reply.

    ‘Isn’t there a reason for that?’ was the response Kasper received.  
He was shocked for a moment. Kasper knew that Mihael had reasons to be upset, but he wasn’t expecting his passive-aggression to show immediately. It was always one of Mihael’s worse qualities, and Kasper felt stupid for thinking that would change.  
    ‘I just wanted to wish you good luck for Saturday,’ Kasper typed, almost regretting the decision of talking to him at all.  
    ‘I don’t really care.’  
Kasper tried to think of a response, unsure of how to react to Mihael’s dismissiveness. In the end, he didn't have to.  
    ‘Things are like this because of you,’ Mihael continued, ‘so why should I bother?’  
Kasper felt his anger tightening his grip on nothing at Mihael’s words, but not because he was unfairly wronging the Dane.  
    _He’s right._  
    ‘Do you need to bring this up now?’ Kasper responded weakly.  
    ‘Then when are we going to talk about it, Kasper? Never?’  
Kasper found himself speechless again, unable to respond to Mihael without making things worse, because yet again, he was right. Kasper just wanted to leave that day behind and forget about it.  
    ‘You seriously hurt me, Kasper. You think I’m going to forget about it? Because I’m not,’ Mihael continued.  
    ‘I can’t tell you I wasn’t thinking enough times,’ Kasper replied. Mihael’s words just kept pulling those cruel memories right back to him. The argument that tore them apart rang in his thoughts. Every time Kasper tried to hide away those memories, thinking about Mihael would bring out the ugly demons.  
    ‘I can’t tell you I don’t care about your excuses enough times. You can’t change that,’ Mihael reminded him coldly.  
Mihael’s stubbornness equally infuriated and upset Kasper. He gripped onto his phone, biting into his lip. He couldn’t change the past, and Mihael couldn’t let it go.  
    ‘Mihael, what’s done is done, can we just move on?’ Kasper replied hastily. Kasper couldn’t let it go either.  
    ‘If I could move on from being told I was nothing, then I would. Stop trying to talk to me. I don’t care about you,’ Mihael sent, and Kasper could taste the bitter venom in those digital words.  
Kasper, frustrated, realised he couldn’t argue with his old friend if he wasn’t willing to listen. Talking over text wasn’t going to solve anything - either of them could say what they wanted, run away as they pleased, and still feel no emotion.  
    _I need to talk to him in person about this,_ Kasper decided, but the fear crept up on him that he was only going to make Mihael angerier and turn down whatever chance they had to meet.  
    ‘I don’t want to fight,’ Kasper responded.  
    ‘Coward.’  
Coward was a good term for Mihael to have picked. Kasper didn’t like to face any of the personal issues he had with other people. He was a master of fixing his own internal issues - be it attitude or his actions - but even then, only if he wanted to put in that effort. When it came to relationships, Kasper could only run away. He simply didn’t know what to do, what to say.  
    ‘Then let’s talk about this on Saturday. Please. If you want to settle things, then let’s do it.’  
    ‘Don’t tell me what to do.’  
Hopeless.  
Kasper desperately wanted to tell Mihael to stop picking a fight, but the only thing he managed out was pathetic in comparison.  
    ‘...See you Saturday I guess. Good luck.’  
Kasper exited the messaging app of his phone and locked the screen, letting it fade to black. He didn’t want to see Mihael’s bitter responses anymore. Nothing he said or could say would ever change this.  
    _This was all a mistake._

—

_Week Four_

Kasper’s irritable and sour mood was much more noticeable than he realised. As far as Kasper knew, he was quiet and kept to himself to begin with, but clearly, he must have let something through over the past few days that made it obvious, and Kasper honestly couldn’t think of anything. He didn’t even expect anyone to care, so that only left one remaining reason as to the situation he found himself in.

kaSing must have been paying close attention to him for no apparent reason. To Kasper, that made him very uncomfortable.

    “What the hell happened to you, man? You were fine right up until a few days before the games!” kaSing pressed, blocking off Kasper from his room by standing in front of the door. The Brit had beaten him in his mad dash to avoid the conversation, and now stood flashing a look with fiercely furrowed brows and impatient eyes, waiting for Kasper’s answer - an answer Kasper was less than willing to give him.  
    “It’s none of your business,” Kasper dismissed bitterly. All he wanted was for kaSing to respect that enough to drop it right away. Huge chance of that happening.  
    “Of course it’s my business, it’s everyone’s bloody business,” kaSing responded frustratedly, “so stop being difficult and tell me what the problem is.”  
Kasper tried to push past kaSing to get to the door, but the problem was kaSing was quicker, and the Support stood in front of the door handle to cut him off yet again. The nuisance of kaSing’s curiosity was only becoming more irritating by the second.  
    “I don’t need to tell you anything,” Kasper grumbled. “Forget about it. It’s not going to affect my play or the game, whatever..”  
kaSing let out a heavy sigh, and for a moment Kasper considered if he had decided to relent. Unfortunately, he was just met with more arguing.  
    “It’s not about the game, Kobbe,” kaSing sighed, “it’s about the environment and that everyone knows you’re being quiet and grumpy. Do you want Peter to give you another lecture?”  
Kasper did not, and the last thing Kasper needed was for kaSing to tell Peter about this conversation.  
    _He’s acting like a child._  
    “kaSing, this is something I’ll sort out on my own,” he sighed. “I’m tired, just let me go.” He frowned momentarily, not in the mood for a confrontation. He could appreciate kaSing’s kindness, but Kasper wasn’t prepared to trust the Brit - at least not yet. He put on his calmest expression to try convince his Support to leave him alone.  
It seemed to work. kaSing looked over Kasper’s shoulder briefly, as if considering.  
    “Okay,” he breathed, “but this is going to bite you in the ass later. Whatever it is you’re going through, you don’t need to do it alone.”  
With that, kaSing stepped past Kasper with considerable stiffness, leaving Kasper to stand there for a few moments, pondering kaSing’s words.  
    _Why does he care so much?_ Kasper thought bitterly. He didn’t understand. It could only be forced - kaSing had no real reason to care about Kasper. He’d been nothing but cold and irritable, and Kasper wouldn’t give a damn about himself if he was in kaSing’s shoes.  
    _He might as well stop. I can only do this alone,_ Kasper thought solemnly. The problems were his and only his, so that could only have meant he had to get through them on his own.

Yet again, the truth of such thoughts was dubious.

—

As soon as the cameras were off, Kasper felt a little pressure lift off his shoulders. He wasn’t camera shy or anything - three years of competitive play would had rid him of that if he was - but he hadn’t been expecting to make weird decisions for a video that could be viewed by a lot of people.

Splyce had decided to create a video in which all the players and a member of the support staff were asked certain questions about their teammates. At first, Kasper was terrified - he didn’t know any sort of trivia about the others. He didn’t even know a few birthdays.  
Luckily for Kasper, the questions were more vague and memey than the last time he had to take this sort of weird interview.

In fact, the last time had been in 2016, at a time in which he knew still the old players very well. In fact, he got plenty of the questions about Mihael right, despite only knowing him for a short time. For that reason, Kasper was very nervous before the interview began, but only felt awkward after it.

    _Surely I should know some things about them,_ he considered. _What a way to spend the day off…_

The support staff and the players together had found a solution of sorts to the problem of the player pressure - six days were dedicated to working on League of Legends and being together, be it solo queue, duoing together, strategising, et cetera, and one day off for the players to do as they pleased.  
This particular day off was partly spent on the video - and as much as Kasper knew franchising was important and that getting a strong fanbase was essential, it was irritating at the least.

Kasper considered picking up a bit of team knowledge. The interview left him feeling just a bit guilty, a very unwelcome yet frequent feeling at the time, so anything Kasper could do without wasting time to change that was worth it in his book.

During the interview, Kasper had been alone while the others went in pairs, so he didn’t have any real excuse to start a conversation with anyone. It annoyed Kasper because he wasn’t about to force anything - four weeks into LCS communication out of game still didn’t come easily.  
As he rose from the couch and walked out of the room, he thought how efficient it would be if it just fell into his lap.

Nisqy’s chattering made it laughably easy to locate him in the little hall that connected all their rooms. He was talking to Xerxe as usual. Kasper wondered if their jungler had more tolerance than everyone else for the midlaner’s mile-a-minute talking. Kasper had his fair share of conversation with kaSing enough these past few days, so talking to Xerxe and Nisqy would be a breath of fresh air, hopefully.  
Approaching the pair with as little awkwardness as he could muster - which was not much - he considered walking past them and just going about his business. He could always be interrupting them, but at the same time sooner was better than later.

    “Hey, Kobbe! Tell us what your answers were!” Nisqy called. With that, Kasper’s options disappeared before his eyes.  
    _Well, no going back now. How bad could it be?_ Kasper thought, unsurely deciding to join the conversation. Xerxe let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head, leaving Kasper to wonder why.  
    “You’re the strong silent one, right?” the Belgian continued.  
    “Uh, I guess?” Kasper responded, unsure. He wasn’t sure anyone else really fit the category that well, anyway.  
    “Xerxe, kaSing and I said the same thing!”  
    “Odo as well,” Xerxe added.  
    _...Huh. Do I really come off that way to the others that much?_  
    “I mean, I know I don’t talk that much, so…” Kasper murmured.  
    “Yeah, but you’re, like, a god in game, dude,” Nisqy exaggerated.  
    “Right.”  
    “Oh yeah, and you didn’t say I was the messiest, right?!”  
Xerxe and Kasper exchanged brief, knowing looks.  
    “HEY!” Nisqy exclaimed in protest, pouting.

—

Kasper was rolled onto his left side, restless. All Kasper wanted was to sleep. There would be a game the next day, and playing on low sleep would hinder his performance - he knew from experience, yet sleep eluded him. Just like Mihael.  
  _I still haven’t been able to talk to him._

Wrapped in the blanket, Kasper shifted to try find some sort of comfort. He didn’t want to think about it - it would only serve to keep him awake longer. Enveloped in shadows and silence, the troubles began to slowly fade into the night, leaving Kasper calmer as he tried to close his eyes again. His problems, his issues, bit by bit drifted away, leaving only peace, with not a sound to be heard.  
Kasper’s shifting stopped eventually, letting the noise of his movements come to an end. He felt as if he could stay like this forever - away from everyone and everything that had, or could, hurt him. Never before had it felt so welcoming, and Kasper felt ready to let himself go.  
Kasper could feel himself surrender to the darkness. The bittersweetness of giving up allowed drowsiness to find its way to him. Small sounds broke away from the lonely quietness, distant, almost nonexistent.Their tiny ringing rivalled only Kasper’s heartbeat and breathing, other sounds he became aware of in that very silence. In his hazy state, he could barely register a tiny sting tickling at his eyes.  
The dead of night hid away all the cruelty, all the pain. Kasper had never been fond of the night, although it offered rest, because it took away time from being productive. But in that moment, Kasper wouldn’t have traded that calm darkness for anything.  
The tendrils of sleep crept into Kasper’s mind, and he welcomed them. To give in was so, so easy…

Creak.

    “Oh, shit-“

The moment was over. Light poured into Kasper’s room, and his eyes opened wide at the sudden, new brightness. Rushing up into a sitting position, Kasper squinted while trying to adjust. The darkness was gone. The sleepiness was gone. The calm was gone. All that was in the room was the bright light from the passageway shining into his bedroom and an equally unwelcome kaSing.  
kaSing, standing there with the most fearful look Kasper had even seen on him. That didn’t matter to him - kaSing had every reason to be afraid.

    “What the fuck are you doing here?” Kasper grumbled, but it came out choked, taking Kasper by surprise. kaSing’s immediate response was to creep behind the door and begin closing it. Clearly, he was immensely embarrassed. The way he was hiding made it seem as if he wanted to just disappear.  
    “I’m so, so sorry. I thought this was my room. Holy shit, I’m so sorry,” kaSing squeaked, his shameful blush visible in the yellow light.

    “I’m awake already,” Kasper growled, already feeling the nighttime chill return as the blanket slipped off him from his sitting position. Kasper rubbed his gently stinging eyes, only to find them shockingly damp.  
    _Where did... I was crying? Why was I crying?_

kaSing was behind the door, but Kasper desperately hoped that he hadn’t noticed when he had initially walked in. He made quick work out of wiping the tears away and lay back down, trying to hide his face behind the cupboard beside the bed.

    “Are you okay?” kaSing’s quiet voice questioned shyly from behind the door. Only a tiny stripe of light shone now, a bright bar across Kasper’s bed and onto the wall.  
    “I’m fine,” Kasper snarled. He didn’t want anything to do with anyone at that moment. He couldn’t tell the reason he was so upset. He couldn’t think about it - not while he wasn’t alone.  
He wasn’t going to get that opportunity, because kaSing stepped back into his room, the open door filling it with yellow light once more.

    “You’re not okay, Kasper. Tell me what’s wrong.”

—


	5. Growing Perspective

    “You’re not okay, Kasper. Tell me what’s wrong.”  
Kasper sighed a shaky breath, glaring from his bed. He had covered himself in the blanket - whether to hide himself or just find comfort, he wasn’t sure. He already wiped the tears away, but he could still feel the warmth in his face, the sting at his eyes, the tightness in his throat.  
Even if he wanted to talk to kaSing, Kasper wouldn’t know what to say. He wanted him to just leave. Kasper needed to think about this - alone. However, kaSing didn’t seem intent on giving him that opportunity.  
    “Say something, come on,” kaSing pressed, taking a tentative step towards his distressed friend. He took a slow breath, stepping lightly.  
Kasper didn’t say anything; it was as if he thought just glaring at kaSing would force him out of his room so he could brood in the dark alone. In the end, kaSing stopped short as he reached the edge of Kasper’s bed. His concerned, dark eyes met troubled oceans framed in red.  
Kasper turned away and buried his face in the pillow. He could feel another wave coming.  
    “I told you to go away,” he mumbled, his voice weak.  
    “I told you to tell me what’s wrong,” kaSing said.  
    “I don’t know,” Kasper replied, and it was the truth. He forced down oncoming tears, trying to swallow away the catch in his throat. No way was he was going to cry in front of kaSing. The current situation already had Kasper drowning in shame.  
He didn’t want help, he didn’t want to make his problems everyone else’s.

    “...I believe you,” kaSing said, “and that’s fine.”  
Kasper’s eyes looked up, the Dane otherwise still as water. Why would kaSing care so much? Everyone should know what their problems are - everyone’s issues have a source - yet Kasper could not find the reason for his unhappiness.  
    “I don’t know what you’re going through right now,” kaSing continued, “but whatever it is, just... know that things are going to get better.” He sat down on the bed. His dark eyes held caution, his little movements tense and static. The smile that was so often part of his cheery visage was absent.  
Kasper said nothing.  
    “And, well, I’m here for you.”  
Kasper looked up at kaSing.  
    “Thanks,” Kasper murmured.  
A brief silence fell over the pair. Kasper subtly checked his eyes again. The tears had dried up.  
    “We have games tomorrow,” Kasper whispered. “I think you should go.” He needed some time to think alone, as much as he appreciated kaSing being there.  
kaSing fell momentarily quiet, shifting and looking at the rug.  
    “You fine being alone?”  
    “I’m fine,” Kasper lied.  
kaSing got up from Kasper’s bed, hesitating and letting out a light sigh. He walked to the door but took a moment to look back at Kasper.  
    “It’s going to be okay,” kaSing reminded him. “Goodnight, Kasper.”  
    “Goodnight, Ray.”  
With that, the Brit finally flashed his signature smile and stepped through the doorway. Kasper almost didn’t want him to leave. However, Ray didn’t close the door completely.

He left it just ajar, letting a thin stripe of light filter into Kasper’s room like a bright bar across his bed.

It was going to be okay.  
—

Halfway through the regular season, it was to be expected that the teams and players had the playoffs race in mind. From the fifth week, rematches were to take place, and Kasper wasn’t looking forward to facing Fnatic again - he didn’t need a reminder of the week one crush.  
However, the game and matches weren’t the only important development Kasper had to keep at the forefront of his mind. Not five weeks in.

    ‘hey me and the boys going for lunch, come with us!!!’  
Kasper had received the text from Nisqy. Since it was their day off, the players had time to do whatever they wanted to do, and so Kasper considered whether he really did or didn’t want to spend the day with the others.

Had it been asked a week ago, Kasper would have just wanted to quietly go about his own business and immediately turn down the offer. He didn’t really like talking to anyone, interacting, any of it. All he wanted was to focus on League. He only willingly talked to the support staff about League of Legends, how his play could be improved - just the lifeless conversation of question and advice.

    ‘Idk why not :) Where and when?’ Kasper replied. He didn’t have plans anyway for the day. _Surely, that’s reason enough to say yes._  
Next, he received a text from, surprisingly enough, Xerxe while waiting for Nisqy’s response.  
    ‘What have you done’  
    ‘What?’ Kasper responded, utterly confused.  
    ‘He’s going crazy’  
    ‘?’  
    ‘No one thought you’d say yes’  
So that was it… Kasper felt a pang of embarrassment at Xerxe’s statement - it was easy to assume that Kasper would turn Nisqy’s offer down.  
    _What was I thinking…_  
    ‘I felt like coming along this time I guess. Tell him to respond please’, Kasper replied, setting his phone down momentarily. He squeezed his hand a little, sighing. Eventually, he did get a response from their midlaner.  
    ‘angry chicken we’ll go at like 2’  
    ‘Sure, I’ll be there :)’  
Kasper smiled absently to himself. What harm could be done in spending the day off with everyone else?

  
Kasper looked his phone screen and slid it back into his pocket. Standing outside the nearest Angry Chicken to the gaming house, Kasper went through his texts one more time to make sure of the time he was supposed to arrive. He looked at his leather watch - his phone’s clock had been a few minutes ahead and Kasper never got around to fixing it. 13:40 more or less, so there was time.

He wasn’t sure if anyone on the team had made a reservation - or even what name they would put it under, so he waited for the others. Kasper preferred to be too early than too late - punctuality was important to him.

Luckily for Kasper, he didn’t have to wait long. Within five minutes, the unexpected presented itself as Nisqy was to arrive second - to be fair, Xerxe had come with him and they made the trio together. Kasper wouldn’t be surprised if their Jungler had to drag him out to be on time.

    “What are you smiling about, huh?” Nisqy laughed.  
Kasper realised all of a sudden that the image had brought quite a grin to his face. He wiped it off, but the visual was too good to forget.  
    “Nothing,” Kasper said, still with a small, barely visible smile on his face. Xerxe looked over his shoulder, checking for any sign of Odoamne or Ray.

In the end, lunch was far more enjoyable than Kasper had anticipated. It really felt worth it to have come along. All five of them had shown up, with Ray having run a little late.  
It’s been, what, two months? Kasper considered. He wouldn’t have thought, that a little lunch would’ve been such an… experience.  
At the time, Kasper would rather have been anywhere else but at that table. The quintet received two noise complaints - courtesy of Nisqy - and while it was embarrassing, at the end it would be a true highlight for weeks to come; “Hey, remember the time at Angry Chicken when Kasper came along and Nisqy got two noise complaints?” A lunch to remember.

The memory left by that fateful day made itself clear on a practice day. Odoamne’s headphones were having a few issues, and the team had to test while their toplaner made a few adjustments.  
Of course, Nisqy had a bright idea for the audio tests.  
    “Bawk-baaaawk!”  
    “What are you doing..?” Xerxe asked, looking over to the Belgian with concern.  
    “Odo, how is your mic?” Nisqy chirped. “Bawk-bawk-bawk?”  
Kasper was as lost as Xerxe was. Kasper looked over to Ray, and he could see his response coming from a mile away,  
    “Bawk-bawkeeeeh!” Ray clucked with a grin of Cheshire proportions.  
    “What is wrong with you?!” Odoamne laughed. “Okay, okay! It’s working, thank you, Nisqy. Geez.”  
Kasper took a few moments to wrack his brain in an attempt to figure out the… interesting exchange that had just taken place.  
    “Did you just use chicken sounds to check Odo’s headphones?” Xerxe asked quietly.  
    _He never ceases to intrigue..._  
    “Let’s never do that again.” Kasper shook his head and looked over to Nisqy. He was met by snickers from everyone else, and Kasper had to join them. Going out for lunch to Angry Chicken had birthed an inside joke only they could share.

It felt special.

—

    _Why? Why do they exist?_  
Kasper looked down in disgust at the page he had been sent to from his Twitter timeline. The LCS Team had gone too far. Valentine’s Day cards, each fitted with ridiculous, cheesy puns that made Kasper want to slam his face into his palm, complete with photos of the pros with fake blushes, had been released upon the world.

The card created for Kasper read ‘Loyal to my team, and loyal to you. Love, Kobbe.’ The line hit Kasper in more ways than one - it was an awful pick-up line for one and cringeworthy in its reference - but it also made Kasper feel a little awkward. It had been days since he had even thought about the differences between the old and new team.

    “Why?” Kasper asked, quite visibly cringing at the card.  
He was met with laughter. Kasper hadn’t seen Ray’s card, but he feared he was about to know about it anyway. His support leaned over from another cushion on the couch and glanced over at the cellphone screen.  
    “Hey, yours is actually pretty cute,” Ray chuckled. “I’ve just got cheeky Nando’s!”  
Kasper sighed. He never really understood the whole ‘Cheeky Nando’s’ thing, but he assumed it was just a British inside joke.  
    “I’m just glad Valentine's Day didn’t land on an LCS day,” Kasper continued, shaking his head, “or we’d just have roses and cards everywhere.”  
Ray smirked at Kasper. He was met with a raised eyebrow - Kasper could tell trouble was coming.  
    “Kobsing.” Ray grinned. His face had gone a shade pinker and Kasper could tell he was holding back laughter.  
    “No, Ray. Don’t,” Kasper warned. That abomination… Kasper never wanted to see it again. The esports Twitter, being what it was, decided that the world had to see face fusions of various European LCS botlane duos. Kasper and Ray were (un)fortunate to have been one of those pairs. The result of their particular fusion was Kobsing.  
Kobsing. For Ray, it elicited the most awkward laughter Kasper had ever heard out of him. For Kasper, discomfort was the only word that could describe how he felt. Kasper much preferred to let Kobsing be used as an easy reference to their botlane rather than a freakish fusion he’d much rather forget.  
    “No, I mean like… you know, like a real duo?”  
Kasper did not. Kasper was instead the kind of person who often kept to himself and that extended to social media. He wasn’t one to talk a lot on Twitter, either, so...  
    “Like… a brand duo? I don’t know. It’s kind of new to me,” Kasper admitted. He’d never thought of himself as a brand player before, but considering the card…  
    “Ah... don’t worry about it then,” he replied in a hushed tone. Kasper couldn’t place the emotion in Ray’s voice. He didn’t bring it up, however - it was weird to take notice of that.  
    “Well, if it happens, it happens,” Kasper encouraged. “Maybe we won’t need to force it.”  
    “Sounds good to me,” Ray said, looking away but giving a brief nod.

They both fell into silence. Now aware of things on his mind, Kasper began to think. He leaned back into the couch and let his thoughts take over.

—

Over the week, Kasper decided to spend some more time with the rest of the team. In the mornings, Kasper went along with Ray for coffee in case they had another sleepless night like that of a few weeks ago. Sometimes he’d joke around with Xerxe, whom Kasper discovered was quite similar to himself more than he previously believed - Andrei was mostly quiet and almost seemed shy, but he just set his focus on other things. In the end, Kasper discovered that he even had a lovely sense of humour, often memeing together with Nisqy, another teammate Kasper had begun to appreciate for lightening the atmosphere. As Kasper interacted more with Odoamne, he could find himself inspired by many aspects of their veteran toplaner - his drive, his attitude and his perfect blend of support and criticism for his teammates.

Kasper could find himself smiling more, as one day during that week, he found Ray staring at him with a raised brow and a bend in his lip that forced his dimple into his cheek.  
    “What are you looking at?” Kasper asked, returning a glance to his support.  
    “You’re smiling,” Ray pointed out. “Did something good happen?” Ray let the look fade off his face, returning to his usual half-smile.  
    “No, not really,” Kasper held his elbow and let a finger touch his lips. The tightness of a smile was becoming all the more regular for Kasper.  
    “I like that look on you,” Ray chuckled.  
Kasper looked down from his hand and at his clothes. His fashion sense hadn’t changed, he still wore mostly black with the occasional Splyce hoodie, but…  
    “The smile, Kasper! The smile! The smile looks good on you! Pfft… oh, I love you, man.” Ray burst into his cheery, explosive laughter and Kasper let his head fall into the hand already near his face, feeling his cheeks tense up - almost as if a part of him didn’t want this, didn’t want him to keep smiling over something so ridiculous.

    “Be more specific, please!” Kasper snickered, shaking his head in his palm as Ray’s bubbly giggles began to settle.  
    “How much more specific could I have been?!”  
Kasper rolled his eyes and tried to relax his tense face. The week and the change in atmosphere had made Kasper aware in him, a drive that reminded him of the beginning of his Esports career years ago, and Kasper felt a wave of motivation through his body. A drive to improve outside of the game as well.  
    “Oh, whatever.” Ray turned on his heel waving his hand and striding away from Kasper, but the Dane caught the faintest trace of a growing grin just as his support turned his head.  
    “Where are you going?”  
    “Coffee, you’re exhausting, man,” Ray responded, before erupting into giggles.  
Kasper smiled. The week truly was a reset in more ways than one.

—

    “Hello,” Kasper said, checking his microphone.  
    “Hello! Can we make the chicken sounds, so I can see your mic is fine?”  
Kasper held back an amused snort remarkably well. However, he let his grin begin to show.  
    “No, no, no,” he responded. There was no way Nisqy was going to bring that up on stage.  
    “What do you mean, man?!” Nisqy whined.  
    “We have to be serious!” Kasper shot back playfully, giving his midlaner a brief glance from his left.  
    “Please?” Nisqy asked, specifically in a higher pitch. It sounded ridiculous.  
    “No!” Kasper responded, also in high pitch, just to emphasise himself.  
    “No!” Nisqy teased back.  
    “No, no!” Ray chimed in.  
    “No!”  
    “No!”  
A brief pause.  
    “Noooooooooo!” Nisqy wailed.  
    “Okay, fine!” Kasper sighed. “Only today!”  
    _How do I deal with these people on a daily basis?!_ he grumbled internally. It was simply another thing for Kasper to consider. However, at that moment, there was a match waiting to happen. Against Giants, Kasper couldn’t risk getting lost in thought -a slip-up against one of the weaker teams in the League just wouldn’t be a good idea.

As his teammates began to make chicken sounds to their heart’s content, Kasper decided it would be best to just save his thinking for later.

    “Bok, bok, bok, bok,” Kasper contributed. It was the stupidest thing Kasper thought he had ever done on stage, and yet here he was.

    “Bawk, bawk, bawkeeh,” Nisqy affirmed.

    “Bok, bweeh,” Kasper replied.

Truly, something special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack, this came out far slower and shorter than I expected, but I hope it does what it’s supposed to do. Please let me know what you think!


End file.
